C.S. Lewis Reading Time

Again with the Amazon Prime. I'm terribly sorry. However, I'm so so excited about the book that came in today that I can't help but share. This, ladies and gentlemen, is C.S. Lewis' Signature Classics! This hefty book (much bigger than I thought it would be, might I add) includes Mere Christianity, The Screwtape Letters, Miracles, The Abolition of Man, A Grief Observed, The Problem of Pain, and The Great Divorce.

It's just so pretty!!

Average-sized pen for scale.

Basically, this spring break is going to be C.S. Lewis Reading Time. And Brennan Manning. And some Elizabeth Gilbert. And Jon Krakauer. Reading Time in general, but you get my point. Much C.S. Lewis will be read next week. I am such a nerd. When I got back from the post office, I showed the book to everyone I could find on my dorm floor. I'm just so excited.

1st Month-a-versary

I've had this blog for a month! My Torah class this morning was just canceled! I have all of spring break to finish my Mosaic discourse reading (Seconding Sinai for those who were wondering)! Wesley is handing out free cookies tonight at Swem! Could this day be any better? Did I just make a Friends (or Chandler) reference? Even I don't know!

To celebrate having a blog for a month, here are five of my favorite blogs* that you should also be reading if you aren't already:

1. EV'RY DAY I'M PASTORIN'...  by I don't know who, because it's anonymous. Basically, it's the funniest thing ever, and I check it daily for new funnies. This post specifically, because if marriage has come up in a conversation between you and me, you know this is a fear of mine.

2. any day a beautiful change by Katherine Willis Pershey, also known as my church's associate pastor. She is awesome and has been so great in my discernment process (and will continue to be a huge help, I imagine). So read!

3. Clearly, I think you should read Rachel Held Evans' blog. Do I even need to explain? Have you seen all the posts I made the weekend she was here?

4. Sarah Bessey is also very awesome. I can't remember when I found her blog, but oh wow I love it. Rumor has it her first book is coming out this year. Rumor being on her website. Go read.

5. And finally, Always A'Musing by my lovely friend and fellow Wesleyite Erin. She is hilarious (like, hilarious) and has some pretty cool insights for this Lenten season and just on faith in general. Go read!

*Note: This list is not exhaustive. Not even close.

Okay. One last thing. Listen to this. If you've never heard it, you're welcome. If you have, listen more. The very end gets me every time. This movie was my childhood (seriously, when other kids were watching The Little Mermaid ad nauseam, I was watching The Prince of Egypt). This movie is even better now that I'm older. The music is stunning. Go forth and listen now, please.

Oh, and thank you for reading. I really can't express how much I appreciate it. Suffice it to say that if you hadn't been reading, this blog probably would have died somewhere in Week Two. So far it's lasted twice that long, and I for one am thoroughly enjoying it (and sincerely hope you are, too). Here's to more!

Snapshot: Gumball(less)

For as long as I know, I have loved gum. When I was cast as Violet in Willy Wonka and got to chew gum onstage, it was like a dream come true. This jar of bubble gum was given to me two days ago by my mother when she was visiting in Williamsburg.

Proof (or lack thereof).

Two days ago. It was full two days ago. A few hall mates may have grabbed a few gumballs here and there (looking at you, Rachel) but this was almost completely my doing. If we're being honest, the jar is now empty. I took this picture at ten this morning. I don't know how I don't have cavities; I just really really really like gum. The love started young.

My mom took my sister and me to a candy store in a small downtown area near our house when I was no older than five. I really wanted a piece of Bazooka bubble gum, so I asked my mom if I could have it. She said, sarcastically, "Yeah, if you can pay for it." Now, I don't know if you've ever used sarcasm with young children, but here's something important to know: Kids under the age of, oh, eight can't comprehend sarcasm. I think I've read an article about this or something.

So five-year-old me thought my mom meant I could have the gum. So I started chewing it. My mom didn't notice until we were already in the car driving home. She was furious. She took away my favorite doll (although it clearly didn't do lasting psychological damage, because I can't for the life of me remember what this doll looked like) and gave me quite the talking-to. I'd stolen a piece of gum, but I hadn't meant to. Stealing is wrong, but if you don't know you're doing it, does it count?

Well, yes. And no. The truth is, I'm not really sure. In this case, the law would certainly rule that stealing is stealing (however, the law wouldn't have ruled at all in this case because we're talking about a child). But if you kill someone, or hurt someone, it's still wrong, and you'll still be punished. That's what we have manslaughter for. But I digress. This is a bit heavy for a conversation about bubble gum. My sincere apologies.

As it is, I'm trapped in the Campus Center and it's pouring rain outside in typical Williamsburg fashion. I have 43 minutes to get to the Wesley house for a meeting. Here to there is maybe three city blocks, which is far when it feels like there's a minor flood occurring. Oh, well. Here's to hoping it'll stop in the next half an hour. Really really really hoping.

More Anabaptist Love

If you've been paying attention to my Currently Reading bar, I've been on a bit of a pacifist kick. I'd say Anabaptist, but there have been a few Quaker books, too, and anyway, the specific books I've been reading are a bit more pacifist than Anabaptist- or Quaker-specific.

I probably mentioned this back in my #ItIsEnough post, but over the past six or eight months, I've made the transition from 2nd Amendment-loving conservative to pacifist moderate. I guess I'm a bit more liberal than moderate, but "liberal" always seems to imply Democrat in America, and I like to call myself an independent. Basically, I thought that wars were okay if they were justified and of course you could own a gun if you wanted to. Over many long conversations, mostly with my roommate, I came to realize I don't really think war is ever okay and I hate the idea of guns in general.

I joke that in a perfect world, there would be no war and no guns and nothing bad would ever happen. However, we do not live in a perfect world. However, I'm fine being called an idealist, and although this world will never be perfect, I want to do what I can to make it a little better. For me, that means opposing war and violence everywhere. And so I'm a pacifist.

I finished Amish Grace: How Forgiveness Transcended Tragedy the other day in the car on the way to New York, and everyone traveling with me quickly realized that I really like the Amish. You'd be surprised just how many times I managed to fit them into conversation. A friend and I were conducting a massive critique of Twilight on our way into Manhattan (we were brutal), and I even fit the Amish in with Twilight (can't quite remember how, though). The point is, I've always found people like the Amish and plain Mennonites so inspiring. There's something so incredibly compelling about their way of life that I can't ignore, and I think there's a lot to be learned from them. Pacifism is one. Forgiveness is certainly another. Their sense of community, their commitment to discipleship, the centrality of Jesus, the way they're in the world but not of it--all of it inspires me.

Of course, I'm not saying churches that aren't Anabaptist don't do these things; I think my home church in Chicago is an amazing example of discipleship and embodying the love of Christ. I just love the emphasis Anabaptism puts on these principles, and I love seeing how practicing these principles have transformed my life in such a short time. I'll go more into depth on this in a later post (boy, do I ever have a lot to say on this topic) when I have more time. Until then, I wish you all the best!

Because it seems appropriate: Peace be with you.

Not the God We Would Have Chosen

A prayer from Brueggemann's Awed to Heaven, Rooted in Earth:

We would as soon you were stable and reliable.

We would as soon you were predictable

            and always the same toward us.

We would like to take the hammer of doctrine

            and take the nails of piety

            and nail your feet to the floor

            and have you stay in one place.

And then we find you moving,

            always surprising us,

            always coming at us from new directions.

Always planting us

            and uprooting us

            and tearing all things down

            and making all things new.

You are not the God we would have chosen

            had we done the choosing,

            but we are your people

            and you have chosen us in freedom.

We pray for the great gift of freedom

            that we may be free toward you

            as you are in your world.

Give us that gift of freedom

            that we may move in new places

            in obedience and in gratitude.

Thank you for Jesus

            who embodied your freedom for all of us. Amen.

Amazon Prime 2.0

If you didn't read my original post about me being an Amazon Prime addict, I'm about to prove it to you once again. I surprise even myself by the extent of this problem. And it is a problem. Allow me to explain.

I got a Package Receipt Notification email yesterday, which means there's a package waiting for me at the College's post office. Well, okay. So this afternoon, I headed on over to receive what I thought would be one package...and returned with three. Please note that I also got a package earlier this week, with two of the books seen in the picture below (Evolving in Monkey Town by Rachel Held Evans and Mennonite in a Little Black Dress by Rhoda Janzen). I'll be reviewing those later this week, or maybe next week during spring break--speaking of which, only one week until spring break!

Let's play the "What's in Cara's backpack" game.

Clearly, I plan on doing a lot of reading over spring break. Clearly, I do a lot of reading in general. I think of it as prematurely beginning my pastor's library. Max is going to let me keep all of the books I've accumulated this year in the Wesley house over the summer so I don't have to ship them back to Chicago (which, considering the sheer amount of books I have, would be rather costly). I just really like reading. If it helps, I buy books used if possible. Not to mention, Amazon Prime books are just ridiculously cheap in general. We're talking less than $5 a pop. It's nice. So maybe my addiction isn't too bad.

Fact: Jon Stewart is a W&M alum (and is awesome)

Yesterday, in the early hours of the morning, I piled into a school van with six other students and Max. We drove all the way from Williamsburg in the grand ole state of Virginia to New York City in just under eight hours. Why would we skip class to do this, you ask? To see The Daily Show.

You see, the drive to New York was a pilgrimage of sorts for us William & Mary students. For those of you who don't know, The Daily Show is a mock-news show starring Jon Stewart. If you haven't gathered from the title of this post, Jon Stewart went to the College of William & Mary. Just. Like. Us. Very cool. So even though W&M students are obsessed with school, we skipped class. It was a sacrifice we made for the College.

As if sitting in on the taping of The Daily Show wasn't cool enough, we got to ask Jon Stewart questions. Well, Jannette and I got to ask him questions. She asked first, saying something along the lines of, "When people come to W&M, they hear of two famous alums: Thomas Jefferson and you. How does it feel to be coupled with Thomas Jefferson." When he found out both Jannette and I were students at W&M, he asked us what years we were. After learning Jannette was a sophomore and I was a freshman, he joked, "You should haze her." Hazing isn't funny, but we laughed (it was Jon Stewart, after all).

My question for him was whether he had completed the Triathlon while at the College. He didn't know what it was, so it was clearly invented after the 1980s. Basically, like any other triathlon, you must complete three steps: Swim the Crim Dell; streak the Sunken Gardens; and climb the Governor's wall. If you don't know what any of those meant, never fear--just know that W&M is really, really cool and all three things are of questionable legality.

He said he'd jumped the Governor's wall ("How else do you get to the maze at night?") and had been pushed unwillingly into the Crim Dell on multiple occasions, but could not say he had streaked the Sunken Gardens (however, we have our suspicions). He asked if there is a special name for completely them all at the same time, and I said yes, that's called the Iron Man, but you have to be streaking the entire time. His response? "William & Mary is so much cooler now than when I went there." The fact that I taught Jon Stewart what the Triathlon is, is not lost on me; I am now awesome. We also bonded over living in the same freshman hall. Go Yates!

Times Square: Cold, but worth it.

After the taping, we went to Times Square for an hour before driving back. Driving back to Williamsburg was much harder than driving to New York, mostly because it was now late at night and we no longer had Jon Stewart to look forward to. Max was spectacular and drove the whole way; I think we can all agree that he is our hero. We pulled back into Williamsburg around 4:30, and I got to bed at five. I woke up at 1:45 this afternoon, so I can't say I'm still tired, but I do feel a little loopy. Overall, it was an amazing trip, and totally worth it. Next year, we're thinking The Colbert Report!

On My Mind: Israel and Egypt

In this week's newsletter for my church, the dates for our trip to Jerusalem next year were announced. The dates align perfectly with W&M's spring break. I was completely willing to skip school for the trip, but this is just too perfect. It's fate! "Serendipity," as my mom called it, but I don't ever really use that word because it reminds me of that Kate Beckinsale movie.

In other news, I'm rocking out to the Prince of Egypt soundtrack for the fifth day in a row. At first I was angry with iTunes because the US iTunes Store doesn't sell the soundtrack, but the UK and Canada and Sweden stores all do. Then I found the album on Amazon (there I go with my Amazon Prime addiction again, when will I learn). It came in the mail today, and I took way too much pleasure in downloading it onto my iTunes. The music is fantastic. Fan. Tastic. "Deliver Us" already has 27 listens. I have no regrets.

Snapshot: Taizé SNP

As promised, here's a post about the Taizé service last night:

The front of the room. 

I love candles!

My piano set-up.

We sang two songs at the beginning (me accompanying on the piano) and two at the end. The rest of the service were three prayers I had tweaked from various Taizé websites and a reading of the Beatitudes. I've been trying to memorize the Sermon on the Mount as a part of Lent, so naturally I've been hearing a lot about the Beatitudes recently. It's been really great reading them each night and finding myself apply them to my daily life. They'll just come to mind at the most relevant moments; it's incredibly cool!

It was a much shorter service than I thought it would be--maybe 12 minutes, tops. If we decide to do another Taizé SNP next year, I'll find more songs, and maybe add in another Scripture reading. I messed up on a few of the songs, because I always do when under pressure, but I think everyone enjoyed it. Overall, I'd say it went pretty well. Success!

On My Mind: College Complaints

College is hard. Although I love all of my classes (okay, most of my classes--I hate Stats on principle because it's math), they're hard. I'm usually good at managing my time, but it's been a tough two weeks. I had two exams last week, one of which brought me to tears on multiple occasions (shout out to my lovely roommate for handling said occasions with grace). I took my Stats exam about an hour ago, and I have two more exams this week. And I have a psych study this afternoon. And a presentation tomorrow.

Yes, I'm complaining. I probably should have given up complaining for Lent; I think I will next year. I look forward to a nicer time in the near future when I will be done with General Requirements and will never again have to take a math or science class, and the only classes I take will be for my major, and therefore will be Religious Studies classes in the Wren Building and everything will be right with the world. I'll enjoy the rigor of those courses because I'll enjoy the material. Then my true nerdiness will shine!

On a separate note, Lent is going well so far, and I think the Taizé service at Wesley last night went well, too. I'll make another post about that later today after I get back to my room so I can upload the pretty pictures properly. Until then...time to study. Three exams down, two to go.

We Wait for You to Ache

A prayer from Brueggemann's Awed to Heaven, Rooted in Earth:

With the energy we have,

            we begin the day,

            waiting and watching and hoping

We wait,

            not clear about our waiting.

But filled with a restlessness,

            daring to imagine

            that you are not finished yet—

            so we wait,

            patiently, impatiently,

            restlessly, confidently,

            quaking and fearful,

            boldly and daring.

Your sovereign decree stands clear

            and we do not doubt.

We wait for you to dissolve in tender tears.

Your impervious rule takes no prisoners,

            we wait for you to ache and hurt and care over us

            and with us

            and beyond us.

                        Cry with us the brutality

                        grieve with us the misery

                        tremble with us the poverty and hurt.

Attend to us—by attending in power and in mercy,

            remake this alien world into our proper home.

We pray in the name of the utterly homeless one,

            even Jesus.

Amen.

Introducing YAC!

Yesterday at our weekly YAC (Young Adult Council, for further reference--we're Wesley's student leadership team) meeting, everyone found my blog. I think it started by someone (I think Marni) referencing my #ItIsEnough post, which I'd linked to my Facebook. So now that they're reading this (looking at you, Jannette) I thought I should introduce them!

Marni is our fearless leader and President of YAC. I think congratulations are again in order because she has a new niece, which never ceases to make me go awwwwwww whenever I think about it. I have a phrase for when babies make me go awwwwwww but apparently Marni thinks it's weird, so I'm not going to say it. Anyway, she's awesome and may or may not be planning a takeover of the world starting with YAC. I've been promised a good place in the world order. Shhh don't tell.

Jannette is one of our two Fellowship chairs. She is basically this bundle of happiness and energy that makes everyone else happy and energetic, too. This spreading of happiness and energy tends to get us a little off topic sometimes at our meetings, which usually ends in a Focus Fox from Marni (don't even get me started on the awesomeness of the Focus Fox). Jannette shares my love of LOTR, along with another beautiful Wesleyite named Katie. Random fact: I'm listening to the soundtrack of The Hobbit right now.

Rachel is our other Fellowship chair. She is also completely awesome, and can make some killer rice krispie cupcakes. Yes, you heard me right: Rice krispie. Cupcakes. Together. I think I had three, but I pretended to only have two. Rachel is also our resident theatre person, which I love because in high school, I was that person. She and Jannette are the perfect Fellowship chairs together because, as they love to say, Rachel is a carnivore and Jannette is a vegetarian, so they've always got food squared away (and this is a Methodist campus ministry, so food is crucial).

Andrew is our Communications chair. What can I say about Andrew? Well, for one, in addition to Rachel and a few other awesome Wesleyites, Andrew and I are going to be living in the Wesley house next year! Also, he's really nice. He's the only boy on YAC, so I have to give him props where props are due. He may or may not also have plans for world domination, in which I may or may not also have a good place in the new world order (a better place, might I add, than in Marni's current plan). But officially I know nothing about any plans Andrew may or may not have.

And then, of course, there's Max, Wesley's awesome campus minister. As far as I know, he has no current plans for world domination (when did this post become about who is and isn't taking over the world?). Max is very Southern--probably the most Southern person I've met since coming to the College. He has been gracious enough to let not one, but two UCC students (Jannette and me) onto YAC despite Wesley being a United Methodist campus ministry. Oh, and he has the best laugh ever.

There's also me, the Discipleship chair. I organize service projects and mission trips, and do so with questionable success (if you're in Wesley and want to go on the spring break trip, let me know). Everything else you need to know about me can be found on this blog, so read on!

Snapshot: College Dorm

I reorganized my room tonight (fun Friday night, I know). Please take note of the beautiful Draco Malfoy poster and colored-in Legolas and Frodo in the first picture. I'm basically the coolest person you've ever met.

My desk (and book) area.

The best quilt EVER, made by my mom.

Closet and more books!

My "organizing" largely consisted of me moving half of my books into my closet. I should have taken a before picture; they were all stacked rather precariously on the shelf above my desk. But now, I have room for more books! When my roommate realized this, she sighed. Two more books came in the mail today from Amazon Prime. I'm hopeless.

It is Enough: February

From their Facebook page:

        #ItIsEnough is an informal coalition of Christians who use social media 

           to raise awareness of gun violence and speak out in favor of stronger gun laws.

#ItIsEnough was founded on December 14, 2012 and was started in part by my associate pastor. Those who support it are supposed to post about it on Facebook, Twitter, or some other social media platform on the 14th of each month. I meant to write about it yesterday, and as you can see, I forgot.

But as it is, I am 100% in favor of stronger gun laws. I always joke that in a perfect world there would be no guns and no war and no suffering and no bad things. People always laugh and agree wistfully, but I mean it seriously. Of course we can't avoid all bad things, and suffering is a part of the human experience. I do, however, have some major pacifist leanings, and anyone who's had a theological discussion (or debate, depending on what you want to call it) with me knows I'm in love with Anabaptism.

I know it's unrealistic to completely get rid of guns, not least of all because of a tricky little thing otherwise known as the 2nd Amendment. But the fact remains, more children die by guns each week than in Newtown alone. Your risk of being a victim of gun violence increases enormously if you own a gun. This past year has seen more mass shootings than ever before. I can't help but wonder, when is enough going to be enough?

Sometimes when I think too much about all of the violence and hurt in the world, I feel hopeless. But I trust God, or at least I'm learning to, and I know that through Him, we can help set change in motion. It might not get better now, or a month from now, or even years from now. But if we do nothing, nothing will change. We can do this. We just have to start.

For Grace to Serve

A prayer from Shane Claiborne and Jonathan Wilson-Hartgrove's Common Prayer: A Liturgy for Ordinary Radicals:

It was your joy to serve.

Thank you for your service.

Show me where you want me to serve,

give me the ability to serve,

let me serve.

And make my heart pure toward everyone.

It was your joy to sacrifice.

Thank you for your sacrifice.

Show me what you want me to sacrifice,

give me the ability to sacrifice,

let me sacrifice.

And make my heart pure toward everyone.

It was your joy to suffer.

Thank you for your suffering.

Show me how you want me to suffer,

give me the ability to suffer,

let me suffer.

And make my heart pure toward everyone.

An appropriate prayer for Lent. Help me, Lord, to serve.

On My Mind: Books I Like (February)

If you haven't been paying attention to my "Currently Reading" box recently (it's over on the right), I've been doing a lot of reading lately. Here are some of my favorites:

1. Still: Notes on a Mid-Faith Crisis by Lauren F. Winner. This book is absolutely fantastic and you need to read it right away. If you've ever had a faith crisis, read it. If you've ever wondered what you would do if you had a faith crisis, read it. If you've never had a faith crisis and don't foresee yourself ever having one, read it anyway.

2. Jesus: A Revolutionary Biography by John Dominic Crossan. Very interesting and factual, and definitely worth reading. If you don't like to hear things like "Jesus probably wasn't actually born in Bethlehem," this isn't the book for you. I personally loved it, but then again, I know a handful of people who would be up in arms about it. Read with caution.

3. Any Day a Beautiful Change by Katherine Willis Pershey. The author is my associate pastor, which may mean I'm biased, but oh my goodness I loved this book. You should also read her blog.

4. All is Grace by Brennan Manning. Oh goodness I loved this book so much. The longer I think about it, the more I love it. It's raw and honest and just so real. Of course most of these books are real because they're memoirs, but you know what I mean.

5. A Year of Biblical Womanhood by Rachel Held Evans. If my slew of RHE-related posts haven't swayed you yet, read this book. Seriously.

6. Christianity After Religion by Diana Butler Bass. Just finished today, and just like all the others, I'm going to have to recommend it. It's a great depiction of what the Church in America is like today, where we might be headed, and what we can become if we just put a little effort into it. Well, a lot of effort. But it's worth it. Read the book, and you'll understand.

7. A Good and Perfect Gift by Amy Julia Becker. I was crying in the first ten pages (translation: I highly recommend this book). While it's sad, it's also filled with joy and hope. So very inspiring. For the record, it's safe to assume that if I take the time to put any book on this list, you should read it.

8. The Return of the King by J.R.R. Tolkien. Have you learned nothing of my LOTR obsession yes of course you need to read this book. Need I say more?

Maybe I should have given up reading for Lent. A thought for next year.

Worship with the Episcopals

Before I talk about my favorite part of the service this morning, here are some other highlights (or things I found interesting) about the Episcopal church:

1. It's a beautiful old church. And by old, I mean it was here during colonial times. I just love going to school in Colonial Williamsburg!

Picture this, but darker, because it was early morning.

2. There was some kneeling. I wasn't expecting that.

3. The Book of Common Prayer confused me. Luckily, the priest kept announcing what page we were on, even though everyone already seemed to know. Once I got the hang of it, I really enjoyed it.

4. Instead of saying "Good morning" to each other at the end, everyone was saying "Bless." I wished everyone a good morning anyway, because that's what I'm used to, but being blessed was cool, too!

5. Real wine with the Eucharist. And I drank from an actual goblet. And the bread were really just these little circular wafers. Too cool. It intrigues me; what is Communion like in other churches? I wasn't sure if Episcopals practice open Communion, but come on, it's Ash Wednesday. And it's been over a month since I last took Communion, so I was missing it.

Now for the biggie:

I had a moment. We were all reading aloud Psalm 103 from the Book of Common Prayer. I like praying the psalms, but I don't often connect to them the way I'd like.


  For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
        so great is his love for those who fear him;
  as far as the east is from the west,
        so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

  As a father has compassion on his children,
        so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;
  for he knows how we are formed,
        he remembers that we are dust.

  The life of mortals is like grass,
        they flourish like a flower of the field;
  the wind blows over it and it is gone,
        and its place remembers it now more.

(Ps 103:13-16, emphasis added)

We spoke the whole psalm, but these verses hit me like a brick wall. I was filled with joy that these words were true, yet I felt sadness, too. I almost cried. We are but dust, and to dust we will return. The priest kept repeating that sentiment throughout the service this morning. It's suiting, of course; we wear the ashes, and we are ashes. The Lenten season excites, joys, and depresses me all at the same time. The solemnity of Ash Wednesday is beautiful, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. It's still sad, though.

"I hope Lent is everything I want it to be."

Last night, or really in the very early hours of this morning, I mumbled these words to my roommate as I went to sleep. I hope Lent is everything I want it to be. And I guess that's a fair enough thing to hope. But now that the Lenten season is officially (and finally!) here, I'm not so sure I still hope that.

I don't want Lent to be everything I want it to be; I want Lent to be all God intends it to be for me. I want to feel the Holy Spirit moving within me and shaping me during this time. I want to be transformed by the love and light of Christ our Lord. I want a deep and restorative spiritual experience. As long as that's what God wants me to have.

The scripture for the Ash Wednesday service I went to this morning (which was very interesting, by the way--more on that later) was Matthew 6:5-18. That's the part of the Sermon on the Mount where Jesus is talking about praying and fasting and how others shouldn't know when you're praying or fasting because only God needs to know that. I've been thinking a lot about that for Lent, and whether or not I should tell people what I'm giving up. Being technical, giving up anything is fasting, and a part of me is afraid of jinxing myself. I want to get as much as I can out of this experience, so I don't want to risk ruining it. God knows what's in my heart; that's all that matters.

But on the other hand, I've heard it argued by friends (after asking what I'm giving up and receiving nothing in reply) that as Christians, we're supposed to use Lent as a way to witness our dedication to Christ and spreading the good news. I can understand that; Lent gives you ample opportunity to explain to people, "I gave up [blank] here because Lent is a time that Jesus spent fasting leading up to the crucifixion and resurrection, so we now do the same."

Although I see the logic, I personally don't agree with that thinking. Even if I honestly believed I was doing right in telling others what I was giving up, whether it was for the reason listed above or simply to keep myself accountable to others, I'm afraid that I might secretly take pride in confiding in them. I wouldn't want to think, even on a subconscious level, "Look how good I am; look what I'm giving up." Maybe that's being hard on myself. But as it is, the only one I need to be accountable to is God.

I hope you all have a blessed and prayerful Ash Wednesday and beginning of the Lenten season. More on my morning service later!

Against Your Absence

A prayer from Walter Brueggemann's Awed to Heaven, Rooted in Earth:

All power, honor, glory be to you!

You…sometimes hidden, silent, absent, unresponsive.

We are so privileged that we seldom sense you

            hidden, silent, absent, unresponsive.

But we know people who do,

            we think of places where you do not appear.

We imagine you defeated,

                        weak,

                        held captive.

And we wait a day,

                        two days,

                        until the third day.

And then, most often then,

            quite reliably then,

            you appear then in your full glory.

This day we pray against your absence, silence, and hiddenness.

Come with full power into deathly places,           

            and we will praise you deep and full. Amen.

Countdown to Ash Wednesday: 1 day. 

On Doubting Well

Today was Rachel's last day here at the College. I feel so incredibly blessed that Wesley had the chance to bring her here, and I'm so thankful to her for how great she's been and the impact she's had in such a short time.

For starters, she completely won over the local Methodist church when she gave a sermon at both services on Sunday. Even more awesome, she brought the biggest crowd Wesley has ever had to her talk last night on campus. Tonight had a pretty great showing, too. The coffee talk this afternoon at the Wesley house was also fantastic, and a bunch of people came.

But beyond attracting big crowds, she's really made a difference. There are a few students in particular (and I count myself among them) who have gotten so much out of what she's said over the past two days. Her book A Year of Biblical Womanhood is without a doubt in my top ten or fifteen favorite books, so I knew going in I was going to enjoy that talk. Her talk tonight, which she called "On Doubting Well," surprised me; it meant more to me than I expected.

I'm a woman of valor! Score!!

Of course, everyone doubts. I already knew that. But it's different when someone you look up to faces a full room and says, "There are days when I wake up and I don't know if I believe in God." It's a terrifying thought for me to think that, when I'm a pastor one day, I'm still going to have doubts. There are still going to be times when I'm angry with God, and times when I don't want to talk to Him or have anything to do with Him. And that's okay.

Sometimes I just feel too busy to have a good prayer life (I need to write a separate post about the phrase "prayer life" and how it makes my skin crawl). Sometimes I'm too stressed, and I forget the obvious solution of just asking for God's help. Sometimes I feel like an awful Christian, and there are certainly times when I could be a better one. That's okay, too.

There are times when I wonder if my life would be easier if I wasn't a Christian, and maybe it would be. But I would never trade anything for the feeling I get when I'm experiencing the love of God. There's nothing like living out the love of Christ and the wholeness that brings. Although I would love getting to sleep in on Sundays, I can't bear the idea of not living my life for God.

From left: Andrew, the two Rachels, Jannette, Marni, and me.

Doubt isn't something you get over. It's a part of faith that you have to learn to live with. You need to accept it before you can move forward. It's okay if I don't feel like praying or if I'm not entirely sure that everything about Christianity is 100% right (I'll have to talk about this more in another post). God is here, always and forever, and that's all that matters. God just is.

Snapshot: RHE

And now, long overdue, behold--the Rachel Held Evans post!

Our dinner for her at Wesley. Best food all year.

Snapshot: Sick Day

So it looks like Friday's migraine was just the tip of the iceberg. Luckily, my headache isn't too bad now, but I have a pretty miserable cold. I tried all day yesterday to fend it off with sheer will power, but no. It's here to stay. In other news, here's some cool Rachel Held Evans stuff:

For starters, this is her book. Read it.

Next, check out the awesome shirts we made to welcome her at the airport:

The front of our awesome shirts.

The back. Yes, we're that cool.

Like I said in my post yesterday, she loved loved loved our shirts and just about died when she saw them. Major win. She said we beat Virginia Tech's Wesley Foundation. Yessssss. Further note about the whole "Vaginagate" thing: When she sent her book to her editor, he originally wanted her to take out the word "vagina" because some Christian bookstores wouldn't like it. She decided not to, and it was jokingly dubbed "Vaginagate" by some of her fans. And now Lifeway Christian Stores won't sell her book.

Today's sermon-paper-thing.

(Note to self: Find out what these little church pamphlets are really called. I feel that, as a future pastor, this knowledge will be useful one day.) She talked about being a "woman of valor," or really "people of valor." It was a really nice sermon. Read more about it in her book. Yes, I just linked to her book on Amazon for the second time. Take this as a clue--it's good and I highly recommend it. I repeat: Read the book.

Whoo, Sunday school!

Finally, here's what we made in Sunday school today. Williamsburg UMC has Sunday school for all ages in between their two services, which I think is really cool. My home church only has Sunday school through seventh grade, and then after that you just stay in church during the service. Church and Sunday school are completed separated at WUMC, which is new to me, but I like it. Anyway, we made these nail crosses for Lent. I added the pink ribbon to mine so I can wear it throughout Lent underneath my clothes. Or over. We'll see how gutsy I'm feeling.

Countdown to Ash Wednesday: 3 days. Get excited!!

On My Mind: RACHEL HELD EVANS!!!!

As you can gather from the title of this post, Rachel Held Evans is in the Burg! I don't have any pictures yet (patience--they will come), but here are some of the highlights so far:

1. Our shirts. You'll see them in a later post, I'm sure. They're black with white writing in an awesome font. On the front it says "Team RHE," and on the back "Operation Vaginagate." This is, of course, in reference to the terrible scandal (heavy sarcasm) that occurred when Rachel wouldn't take out the word "vagina" of A Year of Biblical Womanhood. She just about died when she saw our shirts, so that was cool.

2. In the car ride back to campus, she asked us (YAC minus Marni) what we were studying. When I said Religious Studies, Max filled in the "going to be a pastor" part, which earned me a high five from Rachel. Again, very cool.

3. We went to a local coffee shop for dinner, which seemed strange at first because it's a coffee shop and I didn't know they served actual food, but that BBQ chicken-bacon mac and cheese was amazing oh my goodness so good. Max sent me into the hotel to get her to drive over, and being my awkward self I naturally asked her if I should call her Ms. Evans or Rachel. She laughed good-naturedly and assured me that, yes, Rachel would be just fine. So cool.

4. We had wonderful, wonderful conversation over dinner and she told this story about visiting a UCC congregation and mistook them for Church of Christ instead of United Church of Christ (which is an enormous difference). As a member of the UCC, I found it hilarious.

The point is, Rachel is awesome and so sweet and down-to-earth and has a great sense of humor and oh my goodness I felt so starstruck tonight but she was kind enough to pretend I wasn't acting like a complete baby. Anyway, I have resolved to be more normal around her the next two days, and I promise more RHE posts are forthcoming!

Charter Day at the College

I had a terrible migraine this morning, so I had to put off writing this post. Now that I'm in somewhat less pain (thank you, caffeine and painkillers!) it's time for an important announcement. Today, the 8th of February in the year of our Lord 2013, is Charter Day at the "most venerable and ancient College" of William & Mary (I'm quoting our website).

What does that mean? Well, I'll tell you. It means that this grand institution of higher learning has been around for a whopping three hundred and twenty years. You heard me right. The College has been around since 1693--before America was America and Virginia was still a colony. Since its founding, we have celebrated the royal charter of King William III & II and Queen Mary II each year.

As can be imagined, much has happened since colonial times. For one, Thomas Jefferson attended the College. So did James Monroe and John Tyler, and George Washington got an honorary degree. Glenn Close and Jon Stewart studied here (I happen live in the same freshman dorm Jon Stewart lived in--go Yates!). Queen Elizabeth II has been to campus twice, in 1957 and 2007. Oh, and we were the first college in America (okay, okay, only in our antecedents). Is this enough bragging? I don't think so.

1. Phi Beta Kappa? Yeah, we started that.
2. The Honor Code? We started that, too.
3. Only American college to receive an official coat of arms.
4. Students at W&M refer to it as simply "the College," because for a good hundred years it literally was the only college (except for the school near Boston, but we don't talk about that.)
5. The Sir Christopher Wren Building is the oldest academic building in continual use in the country (yes, even including the school near Boston).

(Front of) Wren in 1702

(Back of) Wren today

Both pictures taken from William & Mary's website (see link above).

Anyway, what I mean to say is: Happy Charter Day!

1st Week-a-versary

I've had this blog for a week! That might not sound like a lot, but for me, it is. And this will be my seventh post. Need I insist: This is a big deal. The month mark might seem like a more appropriate point for a celebration, or even the six-month mark, but hey. Stop raining on my parade.

To celebrate, here's a picture of eight-year-old me in a 2002 production of The Hobbit. I'm the dwarf in the middle shaking her fist in what can only be murderous rage. I was a cute kid, right? Just smile and nod.

Proof the LOTR obsession started young.

On My Mind: Updates

1. Lent is a week from today. So, I just had a delicious vanilla-Oreo cupcake. It was heavenly (seriously, I bet something similar can be found on God's own dessert table). I have no regrets.

2. I got my new books today: Jesus: A Revolutionary Biography, which is very interesting thus far; Common Prayer: A Liturgy for Ordinary Radicals, which I've already read and loved and is actually the "Pocket Edition" but I'm not sure what the difference is yet; and St. Augustine's Confessions, which is partially supplemental reading for my Lit and the Bible class (we quote Augustine a lot) but also is just for fun because I quite frankly love Augustine's writings.

3. We (Max and me) started a new book study at Wesley last night. We're reading Help, Thanks, Wow: The Three Essential Prayers by Anne Lamott (I love, love, love Anne Lamott). We only read the first eight pages, because the book study is supposed to last five weeks and it's a really short book, but we had a really nice discussion.

I need to remember that it's okay if every prayer isn't long and impressive-sounding. Sometimes silence is the best prayer. As Anne Lamott says, and I'm totally paraphrasing here so I won't even bother putting in quotation marks, honesty brings you closer to God. And sometimes silence is honest; there are times when we just don't know what to say, or there isn't anything to say, and that's okay. At least, I'm working on that being okay.

Covenants with Our Host, Yhwh

Both my Torah and Lit and the Bible classes today are on OT (Old Testament) covenants. I stayed up far too late and got far too little sleep to pay adequate attention, so I'm totally okay with this.

Why don't we use the word "covenant" in conversation more? I mean, it basically means an agreement, so theoretically it should be fine. I made a covenant with my friends the other day to complete the Triathlon before we graduate. Okay, maybe it doesn't sound great. And maybe I don't have any intention of completing the Triathlon (shh, don't tell). Oh, well, I tried.

Snapshot: Taizé

Here's a highlight of my weekend:

Practicing music for Wesley's upcoming taizé (should that be capitalized?) service. I'm leading it, which is really exciting. I figured I should be nice and not make everyone sing Latin, so all those little blue bookmarks are the best (or at least, my favorite) English songs.

Close-up from the upper-right hand corner of the piano. Rachel Held Evans is coming this weekend! I'm beyond excited. I'm going to be her groupie. You can expect a plethora of RHE-related posts. In the meantime, if you haven't heard of Rachel, click on her name above and check out her website!

Hi, my name's Cara, and I'm an Amazon Prime addict.

I have a problem.

It's not my fault. I only meant to do it once. I even put off the rest for later. I made a wish list. But then the emails started coming. "Get yourself something nice, Cara," the subject line read. "Treat yourself." They wait until what I want is on sale. Then they attack. By then, I can't resist.

My dad got Amazon Prime last year. Free two-day shipping. You get the books almost as soon as you buy them. Did I mention the shipping was free? Oh my goodness are there so many books out there waiting to be read. They call to me in the dead of night. Okay, maybe not, but I imagine they do. The day I gave in and got a Goodreads, I sold my soul. (Sorry I'm not sorry for the drama.) Sympathy for the Devil? More like Sympathy for the Girl Who Couldn't Stop Buying Books. Oh wow was that terrible. Why did I even go there? Please stop, Cara. I'm so sorry. (Am I, though?)

I have three books coming in the mail. I'll get them on Tuesday. I already have way too many books. I have nowhere in my room to put them. I don't even want to think about what moving back to Chicago after the end of the school year will be like. Maybe I can give some of my extra clothes to Goodwill to make up for storage space lost.

Oh my. Listen to me. Am I even a girl?

Learning to Love the Bible

"I'm strangely really excited for Lent this year! Maybe it's because this will be my first Lenten season away from my church back home, and so it's kind of all on me whether or not I observe it at all, but I'm just really looking forward to it. I'm such a Bible nerd!"

The words were out of my mouth before I knew what I was saying; when I heard myself, I was mortified. I was at office hours with my Torah professor (who is Baptist, luckily, or this all would have been even more awkward). This was the first time I'd ever gone to office hours, which isn't saying much given that it was only the second full week of classes, but still. I always say too much. It's bad enough when I'm on one of my LOTR kicks and I can't stop talking about how my first crush was Legolas in The Fellowship of the Ring (there was just something about his silky blonde hair that so appealed to my seven-year-old self). It's an entirely different story when I'm trying to make a good impression on my professor.

By the grace of God (yes, I'm dramatic), my professor was awesome. He laughed good-naturedly and said something about how it was refreshing to see students excited about Lent. Then he helped me find a morning service for Ash Wednesday (7:30 at Bruton Parish in Colonial Williamsburg--history, ashes, and the Eucharist!) and I left for my next class. It was a lovely and wonderfully awkward conversation, and it made me realize that my proclamation was true: I am a Bible nerd.

I'm not good at reading the Bible (don't even mention my devotional) every day; it's a good week if I read from it once. Fortunately for me, I'm in two Bible-related classes this semester--Torah, as I've already mentioned, and a class called "Literature and the Bible." Torah is obviously only Genesis through Deuteronomy, and Lit is the whole thing (however, according to our syllabus we're mysteriously skipping over Deut?). The point is, this is really good for me. I read Genesis through most of Numbers this past June, thinking I would make my way through the entire Bible this year. That idea died somewhere in Leviticus. Little did I know, the Bible is now my homework.

The thing is, I love it. I love being a Religious Studies (okay, I'm not technically declared yet) major at a public university. I love learning about the Bible from a secular perspective; it's fascinating. It's stretching and challenging me in so many wonderful ways. I was already a total nerd about God and my faith; some days, it's all I can talk about! But now I find myself quoting the Bible in my head as I go about my day--completely relevant little nuggets of wisdom that are beautiful and profound and so incredibly helpful.

It snuck up on me, but I'll admit it--I'm in love with the Bible!